Tuesday, 17 July 2012


I'm kind of in shock right now even still but the cops and rescue people left a few hours ago so

Lillith's dead. I swore to protect her with my life and I failed. Fuck, how could I be so stupid? We did everything right - we locked all the doors, sealed the windows, and I had the bat and was on patrol constantly. There was no sign of anything, anywhere! It was safe. Her parents and I both confirmed it. 

Then, yesterday night...there was a knock at the door, right after we finished eating. Naturally, I grabbed my bat and headed towards the door. Lillith's father came with me - her mother stayed with her to make sure nothing happened. We checked the peephole and saw it was a UPS delivery driver - with some kind of package for us. So, we opened the door. 

That was when Deadwood threw the driver's corpse at Michael(Lillith's father), and charged me. I think I hit him once with the bat before I was on the ground and at his mercy. I tried to grab the bat but he got to it first and, I would presume, smashed me over the head with it, as that's the last thing I remember before waking up. 

(Edit: the only thing I remember about Deadwood is that he wore some kind of tattered uniform, probably police based on his earlier post) 

i still can't believe that we were so stupid. i loved her and still do and now she's gone - i'm such a failure 

When I came to, I...remember checking on Michael(he was fine), and then we ran into the living room to find Lillith there. She was dead before she hit the ground - so says the medical examiner. Apparently Deadwood had a knife or something that he rammed through her heart - killed her instantly. At least she didn't suffer in the end - if that means anything at all, now. 

oh god what have I done 

i've failed her, i've failed myself my family, robert, everyone 

I've tried writing this up for the past two hours and I still can't get the words right. it's so hard to think right now. 

He's taken everything from me - my friends, my family, the woman I love - all of it, without mercy. He doesn't care - because He has no concept of love, or mercy, or justice. He just exists to feed and feed - and no one can stop him, the cycle of death continues, round and round. With people like Deadwood who willingly drop on one knee and serve - it ensures that He can still do what He does best; break hearts and shatter minds. 

I remember a saying in an H.P Lovecraft story - "a dead god who still dreams". I know it doesn't 100% describe what He is, but - it's almost as if it's the closest thing we've got to a description. He is so far beyond what we can know - and His influence is felt, even in our dreams and thoughts. There's no escaping Him once He sights you. He will take everything - and leave nothing. 

My life...it doesn't mean anything right now. All it means is that I am alive because He hasn't chosen to claim me yet. And you know what? That's fine. Before He does claim me, I'm going to do the one thing justice demands I do. 

Deadwood, you're - well, dead. For Robert, for Lillith, and for everyone He's ever harmed. 

You're fucking dead. I may die, but if I can take him with me it will be a victory for the fallen.


  1. Oh Sebastian.....I'm sorry.

    All I can say....

    Don't lose yourself. Keep your feet on the ground and your head straight. And I hope you end up happier one day.

  2. You saw the post he put up.

    He's taunting me to go meet him. I have to - I have to end this. Somehow.

  3. Yes, I saw it. But.....don't be reckless. There's nothing worse than getting what you want but having lost yourself so far, you don't know why you even wanted it.

  4. I have to do it. If not for me, for Lillith and Robert.

    Especially their family. Shit, they've lost their kids within a few month span. I can't help but feel it's all my fault.