Saturday, 7 July 2012

Confessions of Lillith

Evening, bloggers. Lillith again. 

Seb is sleeping right now. I don't care, I'm going to call him by his first name 'cause it makes a sweet sound when I say it. His full name is Sebastian - it sounds so sweet when you say it slowly, at least I find. 

Y'see, Seb? I CAN be romantic when I want to be. 

Anyway, I read his latest post and I can't help but feel bad. I shouldn't have said anything, but I feel I had to - it wasn't right that Seb kept lying to you guys and to himself - he's told me on multiple occasions that he's been "moved" or what have you in his sleep - at one point I found him digging through all the kitchen cabinets looking for something - he had a pen in his hand, so I think he was trying to find a notebook. 

It seems that The Weaver is going to be putting more pressure on Seb - which I don't want. 

Anyway; I also feel bad because I'm getting back to normal slowly. My dreams are still a bit fucked up but not as bad as they were, and I don't see Him as much - or when I do, I only see Him for a second before He seems to vanish. 

But all this has come at a cost - that cost is Sebastian. 

It seems the more I get better, the more he gets worse. Since he's been here, his health has declined while mine's improved. What he hasn't told you is that I catch him staring out the windows of the house a lot, just like I was. He claims he's "just admiring nature", but I know Seb and I can tell when he's lying. His eyes are just like...hollow. I see him taking Advil for his headaches, and I must have seen 10 or fifteen broken pens scattered around - he's obviously doing what he can to resist His compulsion. 

But as much as I love him, I know he can't fend Him off forever. 

No one can - it's what He does. He's shown me some of His victims - not just my brother, but people from around the world. They've been teenagers, children, parents, lawyers, police officers, dentists, doctors - no one is safe. 

When He wants you, He gets you. 

But what I still can't understand is how Seb is helping me. 

I've actually asked Him when He comes to me in my dream, but all He says is that Seb is "interfering, and interference will be dealt with". 

I guess Sebastian's his main target now.

That would explain why he's being targeted as hard as my brother was - it would also explain why Deadwood left him the notes. 

Yes, I know about Deadwood. He's a servant of The Weaver and the one who is going to try to deliver Seb to Him. 

It would also explain why I stole his coat from his house. Yes, that was me - but not really me at the same time. I know this doesn't make any fucking sense, but you have to understand; The Weaver has a strong ability to make you do things He wants. 

It was after the third grand mal seizure that I went to steal the jacket. 

I'm sorry, Sebastian....I love you, but I've fucked up. He's such a good man - so much better then Bryan or any of the other ex's I've had. I wanted to marry him - that's how much I love him. 

And there's still shit I haven't told him. He'll be mad, but I can't say it. I tried to say it once and I regretted it - waking up in your front yard covered in blood is NOT something I want to repeat again. 


P.S: I love you, Sebastian...incase you haven't figured that out; you're my hero, baby. <3 


  1. Lillith.....I don't want to sound like I'm giving hollow support by saying this, but it's all I can say.

    I'm really rooting for the two of you. The fact that you have one of your Weaver's workers involved complicates things for me to a degree....but I want to see you and Mr. Smith leave this happy and okay. I'm here for you guys.

  2. Lucia! I appreciate it.

    I really do. :) I don't know you personally but the support you've given Seb and I really helps.

    It's funny, I'm typing this right beside him as he sleeps. He's such a heavy sleeper, a war could be going on next to him and he wouldn't notice.


  3. This is fucking creepy, and I say that with all due respect to Lillith.

    She's never been a romantic - her saying "I love you" happens very rarely. It's almost as if she's giving up on our survival - kind of like adopting the same fatalistic attitude about life that Robert did before He took him.

    As for my coat - yep, I looked in their closet and found it. I don't blame Lillith, mind you - I know how powerful The Weaver can be and I totally understand her trying to obey so that the pain leaves her alone for a moment.

    And yes, my first name is Sebastian. Thank you so much for that, Lillith.