Friday, 27 July 2012

Still alive

Haven't seen or heard anything in the last week. Things are somewhat normal...for now. 

I'm preparing to go on the run within the next few days, though. My parents know nothing other then the note I've written them. 

I'll try to update before I leave. 

Saturday, 21 July 2012

The Full Story + Epilogue

I told you all I would tell you, and so I got up extra early to write this post before my shoulder starts to hurt again. Fractures aren't fun, let me tell you - having to lie about what happened wasn't either(told my parents and the doc that I fell on the sidewalk when I went out to take the garbage - that was the best I could do, heh).

Anyway, I called my friend Bill on Wednesday around 6 am - he's a chronic insomniac - and asked him if he would drive me out to Queenston Heights; I said I was going to help a few buddies who got drunk there and didn't want to leave because they were at The Point. Lame reason, but he agreed none the less, and around 6:30 he came and picked me up. 

Took a bit more explaining as to why I was bringing a baseball bat, but Bill really didn't press the issue, thankfully. If he did, I'm sure I would have came up with something - but at the time I really had nothing else to say. I just wanted to get there and finish this. 

We got to Queenston Heights around 6:50-ish. He dropped me off and I set out walking to The Point. Now, if you'll recall, I said that it was a four-hour walk from the closest parking lot to The Point - and it was true. I didn't get there until well after 10 AM. But really, when all you're focused on is closure, time really does go fast. I walked and walked, and I didn't care - all I had to think about was Lillith and Robert and how I would be getting justice for them now. 

Well, once I got through all the police tape - yes, it was still up - I got to the rock formation and there he was. Deadwood himself. Just casually sitting on the rock, staring down at me. I believe I touched on his appearance when he attacked the house, and all I said was that he was wearing some kind of mask. Well, now I could see better - the mask looked like a very thick piece of bark, with eye holes and a nose slit cut into it. It was wrapped around his head by what looked like masking tape. 

Not a very well-built mask, but when you're a slave of The Weaver, I guess you have to take what's available to you. The other thing I saw was that his clothing of choice seemed to be an old, rotted police uniform - I couldn't tell what branch, but I could tell by the faded logos it was police. 

Makes sense, considering he did say that before The Weaver found him, he was a police officer. 

He saw me coming, obviously, and hopped down to greet me. He had no weapon, as far as I could tell, and just stood there, staring at me for a moment before he began to speak. I've transcribed the conversation as best as I can: 

D: Ah, Sebastian! Good morning - you're here awfully early. 

Me: Fuck you, you son of a bitch. I'm not here to make nice - I'm here to get justice for Lillith and Robert. 

D: Of course you are. But first, let me ask you one thing - is it really worth it? I don't mean killing me, of course, but continuing these acts of defiance against Him? He's already angered at you for not opening your mind for His access, you know - any more like this and, well...I won't get into details about that. 

Me: Look. I don't care about The Weaver or you. All I know is that you've came into my life, murdered two of my best and closest friends, and for what? To get to ME? Why not just come after me directly, Deadwood? Or are you and your master so cowardly that you don't want a direct confrontation? 

D: Oh, please. Your attempts to anger me won't work, Sebastian. And you should understand - my master only chooses those who are useful for service. He wants you to serve Him. The others - well, they aren't fit for it, and thus, they become His nourishment. You see, the notebooks allow Him to see into your mind, to probe it, feel it and know it. It allows Him to see how well you would do as a servant - or as nourishment. That is how He chose me - and He has chosen you, as well. 

But you resist. It's so much harder when you resist. 

Me: You expect me to just bow down like you did? I've seen what happens when He gets his paws - tentacles, whatever - around your mind. You aren't a person anymore - you're like a husk, who only exists to  carry out orders. That's not a life I want - and I don't think anyone else would want that kind of a life, either. 

Tell me, Deadwood - did you resist when The Weaver first came a' knocking? 

D: Oh, I freely admit that I did. I was terrified - I did all I could to stop Him. But when He came in my dreams again and showed me His intentions - to make me a servant - I stopped fearing Him. I saw that His mission - to feed - is a worthy one. 

What is better, Sebastian? The worthless lives of Internet bloggers, who exist only to foolishly romp around with cameras and play with things they do not understand, or the lives of children? Think about it - You know as do I that His favoured prey are the young. 

But now, with so many people running around waving cameras, it allows Him to focus on them, and not on the children. He told me that directly. I've been blessed to see Him and hear Him face-to face, as it were. 

Me: Bullshit. He's just using you. Think - a supernatural being with immense powers of abduction, teleportation and the like - and you think he's not going to lie about what he wants? You're a tool, Deadwood - a tool that needs to be broken, and I'm the one to do it. 

D: Very well, Sebastian. I will deliver you to Him either as a servant or as food - it's up to you!

That's when the fight began. 

I won't bore you with details, but it was a hard one. He got me good with his punches and was able to move faster then I was - go figure, police officers do get athletic training, and my 'sport' of choice is walking - but I ended up getting him good in the knee with my bat, and he went down. 

That's when I heard His voice in my head - a roar, more like - and I had to drop the bat a moment. 

That's when he got me in the shoulder, and probably would have killed me, too, if I didn't deliver my own knee into his genital region; needless to say, that hurt him REALLY bad.  He went down - and that's all I remember. 

The next thing I remember is coming to, bat in my hand, sitting on his chest. He was dead as shit - I apparently started hitting him with the bat and didn't stop until his face was a bloody mess. His mask had been thrown to the side, so I must have done that when I started hitting him. 

It's hard not to think of His servants as anything more then tools, but in the end, I felt pity for Deadwood - he didn't do this by choice, and his mind was broken by that bastard just like Robert and Lillith. Still, I had justice for them - finally. 

After it was done, I took Deadwood's body and tossed it down into the ravine near the Point - I did it while wearing the tree-bark mask, so in case He was watching, He might think I was Deadwood. I guess I was hopeful that I could fool Him. And indeed, when I looked down into the ravine, I saw Him, just staring at the body I put down there. Next thing I knew, they were both gone. 

Then, I hate to say it, but I fell asleep on the ground. I was so tired from the fight, from the stress, from everything. I just...slept. Thankfully, no voices in my head - it was hours of blissful sleep.

I didn't wake up for over 15 hours - it was around noon when I fell asleep, and I woke up around 3 AM the morning of the 19th. 

Needless to say, walking home was a bitch. I got home finally - I managed to hitch a ride with a nice German couple who were sightseeing, and they dropped me off back at my apartment - and it was around 8 AM before I got home.

I've kept Deadwood's mask - I guess in a way, I wanted to try to fool Him into thinking I had given in and became a slave, like the old one. And for now - I don't know, but the voices have stopped and I haven't seen or heard Him since our fight. So, either it worked - which I doubt, or He's planning something else - which is more likely. 

Well, it looks like I know what I have to do; all of the other blogs and vlogs refer to "runners", those victims of Him who can only survive by staying on the move and keeping one step ahead of Him. It's not a very glamorous life, but it looks as though it's the only chance I've got, not only for myself, but to keep him away from my family and my other friends. 

It looks like this is the end of this blog and the start to...well, my life on the go; at least, it will be soon. I'm going to lay low for a few days and then start getting ready to leave. I'll try to check in as much as I can, as I plan on bringing my laptop and charger with me, so I have a life-line to the online world. 

I guess this is goodbye for now - I'll try to keep this updated as I go, and I'll definitely try to put in one last entry before I leave my apartment for good, but it might be sporadic. 

Stay safe - all of you, be you morbid people who like reading about shit like this or fellow "runners". 


Friday, 20 July 2012

have to wait until tomorrow

sorry guys.

I had to go into the ER today to get my fractured shoulder fixed up - happened when the fucker got me good with my bat.

I need some rest so I'm going to take it easy tonight and then hopefully(with a lot of pain) type up what happened out there.

Bear with me, please.

i'm alive

just got home after getting lost. 2 days in the forest isn't very fun. 

gonna get some sleep then i'll write up what happened. needless to say I want to think it's finally over.

Wednesday, 18 July 2012


I've decided, after sitting up all night in different states of anger, rage and despair. 

I'm going to The Point in a few hours. I'm not going to give Deadwood the satisfaction of winning this fight and conquering me. I can't - Lillith and Robert's memories demand that I get them some kind of justice; I failed both of them and caused their deaths if my dreams are to be believed, and it's only fair that I pay the piper and try to redeem myself the good old fashioned way. 

It hurts me to look at this house, now. To see Michael and his wife in such pain; they were just coming out of the fugue of losing their son, and now Lillith was taken, too. Her corpse is not even cold - I can still feel her in this house. Her scent lingers on the couch where we spent so much time cuddled up together. Her notebooks are still here, the pen-marks still fresh from a few days ago when she began to write again. Everything here sickens me because it reminds me of her. 

Even though Michael sat me down and told me straight out that I'm not to blame at all, I can't accept it. The dreams tell me otherwise - that I was always His target after I asked Robert about his notebooks. Somehow it - moved, from him to me. But He still took Robert because He wanted to feed. And now, despite everything I tried to do to keep her safe, He took Lillith, too. At least I can take solace in the fact that it wasn't Him personally who took her, but that motherfucker Deadwood. 

In a way, I pity him. He's obviously a slave to The Weaver fully; his mind isn't really his anymore. He's only a puppet, a shell, a tool to be used - and he can't even realize it. But even so, tools have their uses and it's obvious The Weaver has a lot of them. He wants to make me into one, at least I think so. And I won't go quietly, He knows that. 

I mentioned how the notebooks seemed to be how He draws you in. He told me why in my tormented sleep last night - because it allows Him to know you fully - by just seeing Him, that means nothing. It's almost like when a mouse sees cheese in a mouse-trap; it doesn't know anything else other then "I want this". But when it springs the trap - in this case, the notebooks, under the guise of providing succor to the physical pain He causes - it's too late and the trap slams shut on you. 

It could all be bullshit and just a dream, but I don't know what's real and what's not anymore. 

I don't know what I will find tomorrow when I go out to The Point, but I'm not shy about my chances; it's very likely I may not make it back. I could be wrong, and I could walk out of those woods unscathed, but I'm not going to leave my life up to chance. And even still, if I do survive - who knows how long I have? I've already seen Him in the waking world, and when that happens, you don't really have long unless you run and don't stop. 

It's kind of surreal; when I started this blog, I just wanted a place I could post about my love of nature. And now it's become an outlet for my battle against a supernatural entity that defies all laws of anything. 

I just want to say thank you to those of you who've read and commented on this blog. Lucia and Zoidberg deserve most of the credit - you two have offered some excellent insight. I may not know you personally, but your comments helped Lillith in what turned out to be her final weeks on this earth. 

I may see you again, but if I don't: Stay safe and keep fighting. 

Life's obviously too short and fleeting to get caught up in petty shit. 


Tuesday, 17 July 2012


I'm kind of in shock right now even still but the cops and rescue people left a few hours ago so

Lillith's dead. I swore to protect her with my life and I failed. Fuck, how could I be so stupid? We did everything right - we locked all the doors, sealed the windows, and I had the bat and was on patrol constantly. There was no sign of anything, anywhere! It was safe. Her parents and I both confirmed it. 

Then, yesterday night...there was a knock at the door, right after we finished eating. Naturally, I grabbed my bat and headed towards the door. Lillith's father came with me - her mother stayed with her to make sure nothing happened. We checked the peephole and saw it was a UPS delivery driver - with some kind of package for us. So, we opened the door. 

That was when Deadwood threw the driver's corpse at Michael(Lillith's father), and charged me. I think I hit him once with the bat before I was on the ground and at his mercy. I tried to grab the bat but he got to it first and, I would presume, smashed me over the head with it, as that's the last thing I remember before waking up. 

(Edit: the only thing I remember about Deadwood is that he wore some kind of tattered uniform, probably police based on his earlier post) 

i still can't believe that we were so stupid. i loved her and still do and now she's gone - i'm such a failure 

When I came to, I...remember checking on Michael(he was fine), and then we ran into the living room to find Lillith there. She was dead before she hit the ground - so says the medical examiner. Apparently Deadwood had a knife or something that he rammed through her heart - killed her instantly. At least she didn't suffer in the end - if that means anything at all, now. 

oh god what have I done 

i've failed her, i've failed myself my family, robert, everyone 

I've tried writing this up for the past two hours and I still can't get the words right. it's so hard to think right now. 

He's taken everything from me - my friends, my family, the woman I love - all of it, without mercy. He doesn't care - because He has no concept of love, or mercy, or justice. He just exists to feed and feed - and no one can stop him, the cycle of death continues, round and round. With people like Deadwood who willingly drop on one knee and serve - it ensures that He can still do what He does best; break hearts and shatter minds. 

I remember a saying in an H.P Lovecraft story - "a dead god who still dreams". I know it doesn't 100% describe what He is, but - it's almost as if it's the closest thing we've got to a description. He is so far beyond what we can know - and His influence is felt, even in our dreams and thoughts. There's no escaping Him once He sights you. He will take everything - and leave nothing. 

My doesn't mean anything right now. All it means is that I am alive because He hasn't chosen to claim me yet. And you know what? That's fine. Before He does claim me, I'm going to do the one thing justice demands I do. 

Deadwood, you're - well, dead. For Robert, for Lillith, and for everyone He's ever harmed. 

You're fucking dead. I may die, but if I can take him with me it will be a victory for the fallen.

Monday, 16 July 2012



You've had your warnings. You've been told to back off - to leave well enough alone. 

You haven't. Now, He has set His eyes on you - the others were once His targets, but now they do not matter. You have gone from bait to prize in one fell swoop. I must admit a personal admiration of you - in that you have lasted this long. 

But one thing you don't know is that your little girlfriend was also in the way.  And if this note has been released, then she is officially now -out- of the way. 

I imagine that when you wake up, you will want revenge - which I understand. If you wish to try, and fulfill, at last, His wishes - then you simply must find me. 

The Point, July 18th. 

I'll be waiting. 


Saturday, 14 July 2012

The last 3 days

Hi folks, Sebastian here once again. 

Sorry about the lack of updates in the past 3 days - we've been dealing with a bunch of strange shit in regards to both Lillith and I. I think it's only polite that I start with my own issues since they're mostly the major ones. 

I saw The Weaver today. Not in my dreams like I usually do, but in reality. 

I was doing a final sweep of the backyard orchard at about 6 PM Thursday night and was heading back to the porch when, out of the corner of my eye, at the side of an apple tree, there He was. I looked twice to see if I was looking at what I thought I was, and, indeed - there he was, with his no face and suit, just...staring at me. So, I did the only sensible thing that I knew. 

Had a staring contest with a creature with no eyes for about ten minutes. Seriously - I just stared right back. I tried to put on my war face but I was too busy trying not to run - my legs were screaming at me to get out of there, but I refused to go. I just stood there - and so did He. He didn't try to approach me, or attack me or anything. 

Eventually, I left with a final "fuck you" and walked back into the house. 

I don't understand why He didn't attack me, or anything. That night, I had no dreams about him. But since then, I've been feeling the paranoia at a rate that's even worse then it was. I find myself unable to let my baseball bat go - though, thinking about it, I don't think a metal bat is going to do much against Him, but it gives me comfort. 

Oh, this morning, I woke up on the back porch with a notebook in one hand and a broken pen in the other. I'm getting really tired of this "moving" thing - seriously. If you're gonna come after me, at least have the balls to do it yourself. 

But that's all that's happened to me in the land of the insane, now let's move on to Lillith. 

She's been having panic attacks that are borderline hysteria. The night I saw the Weaver, I came inside and I found her screaming bloody murder clutching a kitchen knife and stabbing the wall. After I approached her, she dropped the knife and started sobbing hysterically. 

"I know what you just fucking saw!" she said to me. Apparently, He let her know that I was finally going to start seeing him - and it crushed her. She spent the whole night sobbing while we cuddled. 

Just yesterday, I found the first signs of trouble - she was sitting on the porch, aimlessly writing "THE WEAVER WEAVES WHY" and "MY ROLEISFINISHED", over and over again onto a Post-It note. I tried to talk to her but she didn't seem there - it was like the old Lillith came back with a vengeance. Thing is, it only lasted about an hour and she was normal-ish, but...still. 

I haven't told her about my being moved in my sleep episodes, as I don't want to trigger anything. Her father and mother know, and they've agreed to keep a closer eye on me - for all the good it will do. 

And the headaches. I've read in other blogs that this happens to victims of Him, but mine just started the same morning I woke up outside. It's like someone's smashing a gong right next to my head - the pain is dull and intense. It's hard for me to focus without popping back 2 or 3 Advil a day.

I have to work through it, though. I have to protect Lillith and her family - like I said in my last post. 

I'll do whatever it takes, I don't care. 

Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Deadwood? Fuck you.

Well, look at what I woke up to this morning. 

Fucker thinks he's going to get the better of Lillith and I? 

BRING IT ON, YOU SON OF A BITCH. Your master too. I'll knock both your heads in! You're just mad that I'm still able to resist His calls. Not by much, but I will resist until I am dead. And you won't take Lillith either, you asshole. 

I don't care that you're some kind of ex-cop tough asshole who serves The Weaver. I've never backed down from a challenge, especially when someone wants to challenge the woman I love. Lillith's scared shitless now and rightly so - her father's gone out to buy some extra locks for the front and back doors, thankfully. 

As for me, I'm on patrol outside the house constantly. 

I won't let them be taken. I don't care. 

I'll die before Lillith goes. Even if I'm His target - He's welcome to try to claim me. 

Tuesday, 10 July 2012

Too easy.

You would assume that someone trying to avoid His control would put better safeguards in place in their home. 

Then again, our friend Sebastian doesn't seem to be the smartest tool in the proverbial shed, as it were. Trust me, fine people of the Internet, I've seen and taken on a LOT more then him and his little girlfriend, I assure you. 

But I jest. Allow me to introduce myself; I am Deadwood, humble servant of The Weaver's will. You may call me "proxy", "indoctrinated", or my favorite, "fucked up shithead" - whichever one suits your personal tastes! 

It was quite easy to circumvent the rather pathetic security system at this house, access Sebastian's laptop and - lo and behold - find the blog logged in and running! Again, if brains translated to computing power, Sebastian would be a TI-82 or worse. 

I just wanted to pop in and show him that he may think Lillith is safe, but she's not. 

No one is safe. Not from Him. I once though that way - I was an officer of the law, and I got too close, attracted His attention and now my purpose is much greater. 

He does inflict pain on us all, but the pain He inflicts is only a taste of His true power. He lifted me up and rebuilt me from the hollow shell I was. He came to me in my dreams and whispered tales of power and strength - and I took it all. I am so much more now then I ever was. 

Now, I believe that Mr. Sebastian is starting to stir, so I should be kindly on my way. 

Ah! Just a message to you, sir: 

The rules are clear. Your little girlfriend's time is coming - but not yet. It'll be at my own choosing. She broke them - and she is now an obstacle blocking my master's real target: 


Kind regards,


Sunday, 8 July 2012

Lazy days

I'm still recovering from Lillith's revelations from last night, but I think I'm starting to understand them alright. 

I need a break, though. All of this is starting to become overwhelming. I mean, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me, but: 

-I'm sleeping 10-12 hours a day, and even then I'm still tired. It's like when you fall asleep and wake up in a flash; that's kind of how I sleep now a days. And even though, as I said, I still sleep 10-12 hours a day, I'm still too damned tired to do much. It's gotten worse the last couple of days. 

-The random moves. Yes, that still happens while I sleep. Just today I woke up on the floor by the front door when I fell asleep on the sofa. Nothing else out of the ordinary, no random scars or cuts or anything, but it's fucking creepy. 

-The broken pens. I've had to have broken at least 20 by now - every time I find one, I break it, as even LOOKING at the things makes me want to write shit down. It's almost like a compulsion except it's so strong it feels like someone's grabbing your hand and forcing pen to paper. 

-Hunger; it's fading. I eat maybe one meal a day now. 

I'll be back in a few days after I get my head straight. I plan on questioning Lillith further about what she's been keeping from me, too - so I'll put that up when I get back. 

P.S: Sleeping with a metal baseball bat isn't very comfortable.

Saturday, 7 July 2012

Confessions of Lillith

Evening, bloggers. Lillith again. 

Seb is sleeping right now. I don't care, I'm going to call him by his first name 'cause it makes a sweet sound when I say it. His full name is Sebastian - it sounds so sweet when you say it slowly, at least I find. 

Y'see, Seb? I CAN be romantic when I want to be. 

Anyway, I read his latest post and I can't help but feel bad. I shouldn't have said anything, but I feel I had to - it wasn't right that Seb kept lying to you guys and to himself - he's told me on multiple occasions that he's been "moved" or what have you in his sleep - at one point I found him digging through all the kitchen cabinets looking for something - he had a pen in his hand, so I think he was trying to find a notebook. 

It seems that The Weaver is going to be putting more pressure on Seb - which I don't want. 

Anyway; I also feel bad because I'm getting back to normal slowly. My dreams are still a bit fucked up but not as bad as they were, and I don't see Him as much - or when I do, I only see Him for a second before He seems to vanish. 

But all this has come at a cost - that cost is Sebastian. 

It seems the more I get better, the more he gets worse. Since he's been here, his health has declined while mine's improved. What he hasn't told you is that I catch him staring out the windows of the house a lot, just like I was. He claims he's "just admiring nature", but I know Seb and I can tell when he's lying. His eyes are just like...hollow. I see him taking Advil for his headaches, and I must have seen 10 or fifteen broken pens scattered around - he's obviously doing what he can to resist His compulsion. 

But as much as I love him, I know he can't fend Him off forever. 

No one can - it's what He does. He's shown me some of His victims - not just my brother, but people from around the world. They've been teenagers, children, parents, lawyers, police officers, dentists, doctors - no one is safe. 

When He wants you, He gets you. 

But what I still can't understand is how Seb is helping me. 

I've actually asked Him when He comes to me in my dream, but all He says is that Seb is "interfering, and interference will be dealt with". 

I guess Sebastian's his main target now.

That would explain why he's being targeted as hard as my brother was - it would also explain why Deadwood left him the notes. 

Yes, I know about Deadwood. He's a servant of The Weaver and the one who is going to try to deliver Seb to Him. 

It would also explain why I stole his coat from his house. Yes, that was me - but not really me at the same time. I know this doesn't make any fucking sense, but you have to understand; The Weaver has a strong ability to make you do things He wants. 

It was after the third grand mal seizure that I went to steal the jacket. 

I'm sorry, Sebastian....I love you, but I've fucked up. He's such a good man - so much better then Bryan or any of the other ex's I've had. I wanted to marry him - that's how much I love him. 

And there's still shit I haven't told him. He'll be mad, but I can't say it. I tried to say it once and I regretted it - waking up in your front yard covered in blood is NOT something I want to repeat again. 


P.S: I love you, Sebastian...incase you haven't figured that out; you're my hero, baby. <3 

the dreams

hey folks, Smith here. 

just woke up from about 3 hours of sleep. I know that I kept saying I was fine, that my dreams were gone, etc - and then Lillith posted and blew the lid off that crock of shit. 

Well, they're getting worse. More intense. I don't know how to describe it. 

Tonight it was like a sense that "something is coming" - I remember hearing screams and...and seeing Him again, with those fucking tentacles wriggling around behind him. But he was off in the distance - there was someone else that was closer and I felt him getting closer to us. 

I get the feeling something is going to happen soon. That He's sending some of his flunkies to try to fuck with us; nothing new according to the other blogs I've read, but new to us - so it looks like I have to try to prepare for that as best I can. 

Though, I have to admit - it's even harder now then it was before. I woke up today on the floor of the basement - I fell asleep upstairs on the sofa. So either I'm getting up and sleep walking or this fucker's trying to make me do something in my dreams. Either way, I don't like it. 

There is SOME good news, though - I did find out that Lillith has a metal baseball bat in her garage - so I've appropriated it for use around here. If anyone wants to try to harm me or Lillith, I'll at least have a line of defence to try to stop them. 

I need sleep...everything's all blurry. 

Thursday, 5 July 2012

Smith'll be mad at me, but...

Hi, bloggers. 

I'm Lillith, Smith's ex-girlfriend-now-girlfriend again and the main point of his worries. 

He just got up to go to the bathroom so I decided I should say hello here. He's such a sweet guy, and he's doing everything he can for me. 

But I should say as you know; The Weaver doesn't like him being here. He still comes to my dreams from time to time, though not as bad as when I was alone. He says that Smith is "interfering" in his weaving and HE is getting "impatient." 

I know that He will come after him soon and I don't want him to. He already killed Robert and Smith is about the only friend I have left. I love him and I don't want him to be hurt. But at the same time, without him around, The Weaver comes and intrudes more and more it was terrible - when Smith was gone for half the day He just stood there, watching me with his...fucking no face. 

And when He does that thing with his head and it turns...fuck. 

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I'm so glad people out there know what's going on, and they know The Weaver is real, unlike almost everyone else living here. 

Smith believes me because of the dreams. The dreams are how they start; it takes a few weeks but then you start to see Him and write in the notebooks though Smith held out on the notebooks. See, that's how He starts to get to you - you write and let Him in and it makes things worse. 

But since Seb - er, Smith - hasn't written in the notebooks He doesn't have much control over him yet. Though he'll be even madder when I say this but Smith's told me about how the dreams with the bags are back. He also tells me how he's feeling so tempted to write in a notebook and it's taking him everything to hold back. He's so I wish I was. 

Anyway, I should go. We're going to go watch 21 Jump Street. 


Wednesday, 4 July 2012

Back early

Got a text message from Lillith around 4 PM saying she wanted me to come back and fast. 

So I did, I got back by 4:30 and found her crying, staring out the living room window. She told me that The Weaver showed up while I was gone and he was "angry" that I was "subverting his control over her(Lillith)". Apparently, if I'm around, Lillith is safe, but when I leave, she gets harmed. 

This complicates things, sadly. It looks like I'll have to stay here indefinitely. 

Been cuddling with her since I got back, so she's calmed down now, thankfully. 

I'll keep her in my sights at all times. 

Heading home for the day

After having such a great week, I'm going to be heading back to my apartment to grab some more clothes, take a shower and the like, and help my parents tidy up. 

Lillith doesn't want me to go(poor girl) but her parents are going to keep an eye on her while I'm gone. I'll only be home for about half a day, but she's really insistent I don't go - I wouldn't go, if I didn't need to, but I need new clothes and I want to help my parents tidy up; so, I have no real choice but to leave for a few hours. 

Lillith sends her love to the Internet, by the way. She found out about this blog - and she thinks you're all "fuckin' amazing assholes"(her words, not mine) for putting up with our trials and struggles. 

Anyway - I'll be back later tonight. 

Tuesday, 3 July 2012

Lillith and I

I don't want to say we're officially back together, but she just broke up with Bryan via text message. I kind of feel bad for the poor guy, but since it's obvious he left to get away from Lillith's bad mental state at the time, instead of sticking it out and helping her like a real boyfriend would and should: Fuck him. 

I guess we're giving it another go. In that she's told me that she still cares about me - which honestly, feels good. It gives the heart a warm feeling, especially now that she is seriously on the mend - which she is, by the way. Her trademark "fuck you, I love you" smile is back and it honestly does me good to see it - it's MUCH better then her blank, dead look that she had for the last while. 

She's told me that her dreams have stopped entirely and her urge to write in the notebook is gone; something that I am very, VERY thankful for. 

I don't know if there are any kind of deities or what have you out there, but thank you all-the same. You're giving Lillith her life back; and hopefully now, we can get back to how we were before - I mean, relationship-wise. We can never bring Robert back, but at least he can rest easy now knowing that Lillith isn't going to share in his fate. 

I can rest easy now too; it seems the danger with Lillith is passed. I do know that I'm on The Weaver's shit list, but when he comes, I'll give him one hell of a fight. 

Call me brave, call me stupid, just don't call me late for dinner. 

...Okay, that was a bad joke. 

EDIT: Though, it does make me think what someone commented on in an earlier post I made about "conduits" and how they think I may be a conduit for Lillith. I'll clarify I'm not giving up on what the hell is going on, but I'm just...relieved that Lillith seems to be out of the danger zone.  

Monday, 2 July 2012

Now that the hangover's gone...

Sorry about last night, folks. 

Allow me to offer a real explanation other then "me drunk" as that last post was. 

Lillith, her parents and I went out to watch some fireworks at a friend of the family's. They happened to have a large quantity of alcohol, and needless to say, we all drank way too much. I know that I wasn't setting the best example by drunk posting, but shit, I'd say we've earned a respite from all this. 

It was nice in a way. Lillith and her parents both were happy. Like they were before all of this started - like they were before Robert died. In a way, it was nice to see them like that - though, the fact it takes getting drunk to do it isn't a good sign. 

As for sober-Lillith - she's doing much better. We've been getting...closer again, and it's almost like it was when we first met - I shouldn't be doing this, but I think she's still attracted to me - just like I still am with her. But she has a boyfriend and I'm not going to be the "other man". But in terms of her health, she's great - she's eating more, being more active and still hasn't written in the notebook since I got here. 

As for the notebook itself - well, you saw the pages. I'll try my best to make my own analysis of them: 

-The main one I pointed out was the stick figure with the words "HE WEAVES", "I LIKE ROBERT" and "NO HOPE". Now, it's clear that the figure is The Weaver - though, from what I saw in my dream, he's not just a black stick man; then again, Lillith has been historically terrible at art(something she admits). It's also got the bags and string coming out of it's back, in place of those tentacles; the bags and string are used to hold organs, like it did with Robert. 

-The next page is just some writing "DREAMS", "THE WAKING IS NOSAFE", and "WHY?". I have to assume that this is just after Lillith started writing in the journal, because it's the one that's the most dry, ink-wise. I know that this Weaver attacks in dreams, but I assume that "the waking is no(t) safe" refers to her seeing it outside her house? I'd bet money that it was the case. 

-After that is the weird tree-drawing; almost mimicking Robert's death. It's like Lillith was there, except the tree didn't look like some kind of oversized testicle. She got it right, otherwise - right down to the bags. 

The words "ROBERT" and "FAMILY YOU NOT WHAT HE WANT NO MORE" are here; I assume Robert is just describing the stick figure of him impaled in the tree, but the one about family; I think it ties into the fact that her parents are getting better at a faster rate then Lillith. I'd guess that The Weaver tried to figure them out and found them lacking or - or something. 

- "HE WANTS THE TREE MAN NOW"; Essentially, now I know I'm being hunted. Wonderful.

-"DEADWOOD PLAYS THE GAME WITH TREE MAN SOON IT WILL BE HIS TURN" and "USELESS WILL I BE" - this is one of the more stranger pages in the notebook; I would have to assume that "DEADWOOD" may be the fucker who was sending me those notes, if so, he's a terrible player as I've not heard a thing from him. 

As for the other statement - well, it's a disturbing implication. What if after this "Game" that I'm playing, Lillith has no more uses for the Weaver and he - does what he did to Robert? I shudder to think but knowing what I do know, it's not an idea too far-fetched. 

-"I WONT LET YOU TAKE HIM FUCK YOU" and "HA HA HA OW"; This seems to be Lillith's way of defying The Weaver. She says that the notebooks are a conduit to relaying it's thoughts, so why wouldn't that work the other way? As in, Lillith can relay her own thoughts back to it if she needs to? I assume by the "OW" that it didn't like that. 

Those are just the pages I put up; there were well over 30+ pages mostly of scribblings that even I couldn't understand that I chose not to upload. 

Now, I need to go see about Lillith; girl has hangovers something fierce. 

Sunday, 1 July 2012

happy canada day

sorry i didnt put the thing up today

forgot till after i post ed about the the thing that it was canada day so

lillith me and her family went out and drank a lot it was fun

now im drunk as a skunk and cant really think straight i know this sets a bad aexample but whatever

ill post the analy sis after im done with the drunk thing

slee you foilks later